New - Have question.
I married an alcoholic six months ago. I knew what he was going in. I'm almost forty years old and have been to therapy my entire life. I am not going to be interested in someone who doesn't drink...fact.
Anyhoos, any road I'm on right now is my own fault and was my own choice. My AH (I'm assuming this means alcoholic husband) is a good man, like many wonderful alcoholics out there. There are no all nighters; he doesn't even lie about his drinking or deny his problem, which I like because I have left two men before because they were liars, not because they drank too much. I don't do the lying thing well at all.
The problem I am having and I believe is probably classic 101 Al-anon, although I can't get a good grasp on a solution from meetings, is that I do not like anyone blaming me for their issues.
Example: last night I went out with some girl friends. I came home and my husband was drunk. So I told him I'd talk to him in the morning. I do not have any discussion with him when he drinks too much. Its beyond a waste of my time. He told me that he had not drank that much until 9:30, which was the time I was suppose to be home, then he said he drank a lot more because I was thirty minutes later getting home than I had projected to be. He said he didn't believe that I lost track of time, which happens to be true, as I am never late without at least calling and he had a rough night with his children and needed me to be home. Whatever, he is a grown man and I am not a baby sitter for him. I listened to him but would not discuss it with him last night.
So here is the issue - ME, of course. For one of the first times in our relationship, I woke up this morning furious. If he wants to drink too much, have at it, its his choice, but to call me a liar and really to BLAME me for him getting drunk - oh no that is NOT going to work for me. He can blow that one out his ass. I could not talk to him this morning and when he tried I basically told him to screw off and that in no way was his drinking my fault or my problem and I didn't want to talk to him anymore today.
So my question is this...I'm at a loss on what to say or do when someone tries to say that because I was half an hour late, they drank. Seriously, I am asking for specifics here. My intitial thought when I got home " Are you kidding me? Get some balls and take responsibility (see why I'm asking - I don't think that is what I should say, but its certainly what I want to say)."
One reason I knew I could be with him was because of his honesty with his issues. I have plenty of my own and he deals with me too. But this blame game is not going to work and I have no issue hitting the flight button - its my pattern to do so quite frankly. However, after twenty years of being single, I married him because he is a good, decent, kind man and I want to try to work it out. But my drama days are over and even though I live with someone who drinks too much he is out of his mind if he thinks I'm going to live in an unhappy home.
Any thoughts? I take full responsibility for putting myself in this situation. I had no denials when I married him. I knew I marrying someone who drank a lot, its what I know. But I also know that my happiness is just that - mine. He is great to me and we have a very nice life, but under no circumstances will I put up with anyone blaming me for drinking, ever, nor will I make or accept some ******** excuses for it. He drank too much because he is alcoholic and that is what he chooses to do...it has NOTHING to do with me.
I hope I didn't put too many paragraphs in here. I read the posting tips and it said to make sure and use them but I think I went a bit over board :-) Sorry to vent off like this, (and I feel like I just journal-ed to y'all) but I have to get rid of my anger because I want to have a good fun day, and I am not going to let his drinking ruin my day. That would be totally lame!