Welcome, trickytiger. You've found a great place for support. I hope you stick around!
When I first showed up here, a couple of people recommended a great book, "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood. I finally got a copy, just finished reading it. It is excellent. Your entire paragraph about your 6-year dating history tells me you would benefit from it, too. Cheap copies are available through Amazon.
I left my XABF too, after the reality of the relationship kept slapping me in the face. You have made a choice to remove yourself from a dead-end situation. Good for you. I know how deeply painful it is. But there truly is light at the end of the tunnel. Stick around here, keep going to Al-Anon, read all you can, take care of yourself, get to know yourself, honor who you are -- it's okay to do that.
Glad you're here!