Take it one day at a time. It is difficult for anyone to predict the future in any relationship so when I hear those controlling obsessivey types of thoughts in my own head, I step back, take a deep breath and just enjoy what I have with him now. I'm such a 'doomsday' person. I imagine the worse when in fact, things could actually get better. Really all you can do is go with the flow and just stay true to yourself and never be afraid in any relationship to ask for what you want or need (in a loving way of course).
Its great that you are recognizing how your own past shapes who you are today. Frankly, being normal is overrated. I gave that up long ago and I've never been more at peace then when I stopped trying to fit every one else's definition of what it is I should be. It is about acceptance. Accepting yourself and what it is you want out of life with him in it or not. Just as they grow and change in recovery, so do we. I've learned so much about myself in this relationship. So I try to take the lessons I learn from the tough moments (his recent relapse for instance, that was a doozy of learnin material!).
As long as you are happy in the here and now, that is all that matters right? Enjoy it. And yes, even in the calm it is crazy making but this is their reality. Either we accept it because we love them for who they are or walk away. Try not to worry. As Live said, you WILL be ok.