Old 10-20-2010, 09:47 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
ABellaBaby
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Maine
Posts: 4
They say love is blind..His addiction controls my life.

I fell in love a year ago. I guess I may have fallen in love with lies, deceit, pain..But I fell in love.

He painted a picture picture to me of the man he probably 'wanted to be' but wasn't. I knew he was 'recovering' from a cocaine addiction. What I did not know is he had developed a new one. An addiction to shooting up suboxone, which is the drug they gave him after rehab to get off of the pain killers he was abusing while on cocaine. I thought he was completely sober. I lived life with him for a couple months not even knowing he was shooting up. The long showers, water running, water bottles in the bathroom, spoons..I was so naive. I never knew it until i really started noticing the marks on his arms not going away, the long trips he'd take to get the drug, the weird things he'd do..then finally, after a couple months, I found out, and I was destroyed.

He promised he'd stop. He'd be promising while he was using and he'd be using when he said he wasn't. He lied. About anything and about everything. He still does. I made it possible for him to see his daughter again, got his license back, helped him with everything, made dinners every night..nothing was enough. He crashed my brand new vehicle, stole little things from me, emotionally drained me, made promises he couldn't keep. I now realize it's simply addict behavior and me yelling at him, stealing his needles, everything else, was not benefiting him.

He is a diabetic. I even went to the lengths to make him get prescribed to insulin pens instead of syringes. He didn't care. He found needles I had hidden and continued. He'd blame me. He'd tell me I made it worse. He'd make phone calls on my phone, take my car sneaky places. He would not stop, so I had to let go. I was crying everyday. Now I feel an empty spot in my heart..I know where he's going to end up.

He's in a homeless rooming house right now, living there, just fine, not even feeling emotions. Turned into a complete sociopath. Does anyone understand my pain or a similar situation and would anyone like to talk with me?

I am a 23 year old female and I've always been a fixer, I guess I had hope for him because he came from such a good background and was such a clean cut nice man?..or so I thought. I am at a complete loss.

If anyone would like to talk, please let me know. God bless you all.
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