"Hmmm.. they say people change a lot in recovery so I suppose the risk would be he continues to change as he gets more recovery time under his belt and wants out of the relationship OR it could make you closer." - babyblue
Well, I feel like I have been stuffing my feelings and not treating him like porcelain necessarily, but holding things in for his benefit. So, today I let him have it and expressed all of my concerns and fears (the above quote being one of them). Honestly though, I'm not afraid he will outgrow me in recovery...I don't use and never did, and am educated, good-looking, and fun and have a lot to offer someone (a lot that I don't think he's ever seen being so preoccupied at first with scoring drugs, then his recovery), but it's just scary because he doesn't know who he is, and can't even say for sure he'll want when he gets through this. He doesn't know a single thing right now. He says he knows he loves me and sees a future for us together, and that he doesn't want to lose me while he goes through these changes, but I wonder if it's a security blanket for him. He's so afraid of being alone. I won't rescue him, he has to sit in his own **** solo. I am supportive from a detached standpoint, but that's it...
I have gone to a couple of alanon meetings and have met some really great people. I'm also the adult child of an alcoholic, and had a horrible childhood where I ended up bouncing from foster home to foster home, etc., so this relationship was really a gift in the sense that it brought out my need for recovery. I've been pretending to be normal all my life, but never have been. I'm just still having a hard time keeping the focus on me though and I don't know why!