closer
i still feel the gears and cogs slowly turning toward me getting better. i was so used to being down and lost in this that i think part of me did not want to get better. it was comfortable where i was at or thinking that this was still the beginning and it was ok (meaning when she and i started to hang again when i first went looking for her).
now that i at least have a slght pull in the other direction, i see that change is possible. still painful.
i am finding that my feelings are becoming less extreme and intense. every day though i see her become part of the timeless fog.
just last night she came to my house unexpectedly and crying again about some drama. i don;t even feel like getting into it all. i apparently did not act concerned enough because she was saying how it seems like i dont like her any more. i didn't respond to much of anything.
and, i don't feel like goingthrough the rest of the stuff, because it's all the same stuff. i am just burnt out, done, tired of it and i am liking the time i am having free from this.
i do fear her not letting me go and the drama that may ensue. i hope it doesnt get ugly.
i miss my life now that i am beginning to remember it.
disclaimer: the above statement does not mean that i will not waiver, fall again, or step backwards. it is at least a big step forward.