Said gently: I think you need to prepare yourself for the fact that you may never get the validation you are currently seeking, and that if you do get it, you will not be able to take it at face value (not for very long anyway).
I also did the whole "agree to disagree" thing; it never worked, because I was constantly suspicious of my XAH, wondering if he was drinking and getting insulted/hurt by the fact that he obviously still was.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this.