hi used to be a pearl-
what do you think about the fact that you have a picture of him passed out with a vodka bottle yet he denies he is drinking?
i found the longer i lived with my alcoholic, the more i started doubting myself. i ended up very confused and foggy in the brain. by the time i arrived at SR, i couldn't even think straight. when i told my story, everyone here reacted quite strongly. in my foggy, confused brain, i remember thinking to myself "self, you can't think straight anymore. these people seem to be alarmed at my situation." i decided in that moment to trust the people here and get my butt out of there. i'm glad i did.
i think that when we live with so much craziness, it becomes almost normal to us and we can't really recognize it anymore. at least that is how it was for me. once i stepped out of the madness, my good sense returned and i could see the oppression and danger i was living in.
i do think you are in danger. certainly, don't let him drive you anywhere! you can not believe him if he says he is not drinking. you have ample proof that he is indeed drinking.
in this type of situation, it is best to stop thinking about him and begin thinking about yourself. all it takes is one minute, one bad choice, and you could be harmed.
as for leaving him, leaving is a very dangerous time with possessive drunk men. it is best not to tell him you are considering leaving. if you choose to leave, formulate your plan, execute it, and discuss it with him once you are in your safe place.
as for your concerns about hurting him, i understand that too. but the reality is that we do not do them any favors by enabling them to drink more. in fact, we speed up the progression by giving them a safe place to land.
he is a grown man. he makes his choices in life and must suffer the consequences of them. for example, if he lies to you, if he bullies you, if he isolates you then it is more than fair to decide you no longer want to be on the receiving end.
you are young and have your whole life in front of you. many of us here hung in there for years, always hoping that they would sober up and the man we loved would return. however, we underestimated the power of alcohol over an alcoholic.
naive