Thank you all for your responses. It helps so much for me to know that my perception isn't just mucked up. Stay in this situation long enough as I have and you start thinking that it really is all your fault. It will be my fault if I stay. I just don't know if a court will realize how potentially harmful he is to the kids. When he has one of his tantrums, he threatens "to hold a gun up to his mouth and blow his head off" all because I won't give him more money and make it easier for him to be stoned all the time. I think I will wait until it happens again (because it will soon), wait until he starts slamming his head into the walls, and call the police and an ambulance. My neighbors know what he does. I am not trying to ruin him, I just want to get away now with the kids and come home to a PEACEFUL house. Every day I don't know what I am coming home too. The kids whisper "don't tell Daddy I told you"... When he is calm he acts like "see I am a nice guy if you just wouldn't push me" and he will say "at least I am not at the bars all night" and "at least I work". Well, I work with men who work as hard as I do. He works 20-30 hours to my consistent 60-70. He is off 4 days a week and I am off 1. I know I am complaining. I am angry. I have no idea how this happened. I really did use to love him. Thank you again, venting helps so much.