Dear HurtAndAngry,
I was not offended. I tend to take everything literally and often miss other subtleties of conversation because I have a cognitive disability. But thank you.
I sincerely hope that you go back to Al-Anon and give it a full try. I want you to know that my questions are not judgments of you or complaints, or as they say in Al-Anon, not an indictment.
Before I found Al-Anon, I had a certain kind of mindset and some pretty unhealthy ways of relating to others. I was a big drinker in my twenties and spent most of my free time drunk. All of my relationships were pretty shallow despite thinking they were the opposite. By the time I got to Al-Anon, I was pretty defensive any time anyone pointed out anything to me. I believe that came from all the years of sick relating, and especially from surrounding myself with abusive people.
But I learned to tear down my defenses myself. And I learned this by observing other people do it themselves. In Al-Anon. By going and just listening to others with an attentive ear, I recognized that I was just like THEM. And I realized that what they had accomplished for themselves in their relationships I could too. And so I kept going and kept listening and pretty soon, the armor came off completely and the shroud of decades of denial surrounded by alcoholism and sickness and abuse began to fall away. And my eyes became open for the first time in my life. I could finally see ME.
And I hope this for you too.