I personally appreciate a thread that have both female and male posts. As a woman I appreciate the thoughts and views of the opposite sex. Just because we have learned how to detach ourselves from our alcoholic husbands or wifes doesn't mean that we have stopped loving them. Detachment from our AHs or AWs for our own healing process is a totally different concept than us stopping our love for them. Detachment means we have had to move away from the alcoholics chaotic influence upon our lives. Our process of stopping our love for them may never happen. We just cannot live with them any longer. It's like my love for my daughter who completed suicide on May 16, 1995. Even though she is no longer with me doesn't me that I will ever stop loving her.
I would recommend you both do individual therapy before you start marriage counseling. I'm not so against marriage counseling, but your wife will need to want it, also, almost more than you. The marriage counseling will need to be conducted with someone knowledgeable in addictions. Believe me, if you were able to get a competent therapist, they will know if your wife is sober or if she is still "stinking thinking". If you decide to go into marriage counseling, I would recommend that you and your wife remain in your separate housing arrangements. As so often happens when living with an alcoholic your home has probably become unacceptable both mentally and emotionally.