What if you put that love, devotion, compassion and loyalty you feel towards your A into yourself?
What if instead of worrying about him, his needs, his feelings, you worried about yours?
What if instead of spending money, time, energy on him, you spend it on you?
You are like me in that we want to take care of others. Guess what? We are not the all powerful beings that we would like to be to be cure all's for our loved ones. I understand your feelings that you are being cold. I once felt that way too. You know what my A did when I detached? Replaced me with someone as sick or sicker than he is. That is how much he loved me. Couldn't be alone.
I think that when we get enmeshed with people and let them treat us poorly (this includes treating themselves poorly), we are not loving to them or us. I think of my life now as living what I would like to see in another. Be the person I want be and have in my life. Someone who is sick is not capable right now of being that way and when we engage them or enable them, we set them back in so far as taking care of themselves.
Hugs