I fight this exact same battle with my XABF. When he pushes me to my limit and I think I am totally DONE with it all.....he will have that moment of clarity where he cries, begs and makes ME feel like I'm such a cold, uncaring person for leaving him. I think those of us who have let our hearts win over our heads (and the knowing better)....all end up right back where we started. They continue to drink.....we continue to hurt. sometimes you have to put your foot down and say enough is enough! Nothing changes if nothing changes. I can tell you from personal experience that no-contact is the only way I will EVER be able to put this behind me. I just don't have the strength nor the heart to do it yet.