Originally Posted by hurtandangry

Okay...........I drove........I attended.........I even tried participating.

That's awesome, you took steps to take care of yourself. Good job.

Ever feel like a turd in the punch bowl?

Only at almost every social experience of my life.

I was the only male in the room.

Often true. The women in my home group shower me with warm hugs, honest guidance, and well wishes, and I love every one of them for it. It's hard to reach out to others for help, especially for us men. We're supposed to be all tough and all.

To make matters even more interesting a bearded biker type dude pouring his heart out in the midst of want-to-be society type women is really pretty weird.

Sounds like that particular group might need YOU.

I seriously doubt I’ll be going back to that meeting.

I was "court ordered" to attend, so I had no choice. But I do remember being in so much pain, my discomfort with all the things you've expressed was small potatoes.

Are most al-anon meetings about how men don't/won't/can't "complete" their wives?

No. Some are healthier that others. Your own predetermined expectations may have colored your experience. They have a saying, "Take what you like and leave the rest". I hear things every meeting that don't ring true for me, some even annoy me, but never in my 400+ meetings have I ever failed to hear at least 1 thing that hit home for me.

It's suggested that you attend 6 meetings, different ones if you can, as close together as you can in time, before you decide if Alanon is for you. IOW, give yourself a fair chance to benefit. Our group meets 4 times a week, and each one has a "different feel/personality" because of the certain people who attend a particular meeting regularly.

If you do go to 6 meeting and still figure there's nothing there for you to gain, then you can walk away knowing you gave yourself a fair shot. It's not for everybody.

Listening to the perspectives expressed I don't doubt that many of the supposed alcoholics these people were trying to learn to cope with may have been seeking solace in a bottle because their relationships were so dysfunctional.

I was AT LEAST as sick as my alcoholic was. She had the bottle to fall back on, and I had REALITY slapping me in the face relentlessly. I didn't cause her drinking, I can't control her drinking, I cant' cure her drinking. I am willing to accept ONLY 50% of the responsibility for the dysfunction of my marriage

I can honestly see how working the steps will help those folks get a handle on their own lives but I’m afraid that environment would cause me to speak out of turn and most likely negatively effect someone’s work on themselves.

Come on dude, you're not quite THAT powerful.

It’s very possible that there are different types of meetings with a different mix of people and if I get a chance to attend I will.

Good man. Give yourself a chance at some good healing.

In the meantime I guess I’ll keep on reading here and doing what I know to be right for my son and myself.