Originally Posted by SteppingUp

Just putting this out there so see if anyone else has encountered this.

Realized about 6 months ago that DW was drinking a bottle of wine each night and sometimes more than that. I would cringe when I heard her pour that third, fourth and fifth glass.

I could hear a beer can open from 100 yards away, and I bet I can still tell the difference between beer and coke being opened. My butt would pucker every time she popped a new one.


When she drinks she becomes confrontational and argumentative. She'll accuse me of having an affair or that nobody cares how much she does for everyone... Maybe she does this because she knows at some level that I'm codependent and will always back down or let her turn the situation around on me so that it's my issue.

In retrospect, I believe mine did this because SHE had been unfaithful since early in our 11 year marriage. Thankfully by the time I was privy to this info, I was way past giving a damn. Thanks HP.

I'm now realizing that she's always been like this when she drinks.

I've been to two Al Anon meetings and am reading 'Getting Them Sober' and have been trying to practice detachment. We haven't had "The Talk" yet about how her drinking is becoming a problem for me. I just want to have more tools at my disposal because I know it will probably get ugly.

I've kept my distance in the evenings when she drinks and don't take the bait when she seems to want to start an argument. It's hard for me because she can be so wonderful when she's sober and I can't stand her when she drinks. Maybe she's seeing glimpses of that or maybe she's feeling something because I'm trying hard not to be baited.

I kept my Alanon meeting secret for a few months to avoid the "alcoholic wrath", mine asked me if I had a girl friend. So they definitely notice the changed dynamic.

Today she asked if something was wrong. That I seemed like I was mad at her. I glossed over it (I know, manipulative) but I wasn't ready to have that conversation with her.

As soon as she said those words, I felt a tingling all down my body, my heart started pounding out of my chest, I found it difficult to move and my vision started to get contrasty like I was about to pass out. I really hated myself then. I felt like a weak wuss. I can see that because of this type of reaction, I'll always back down just to protect myself.

Yep, that's my butt pucker, and I had a lot of shame for feeling like a wuss. As men, we have some issues that are unique to our gender behind all this alcoholism stuff.


I really want to deal with this with her from a place of love but the physical sensations are so unpleasant that my instinct is to do whatever I must to make them go away.

I really hate this and still think that I'm crazy at times.

OK, I could go on but you all probably get the point! Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!