Originally Posted by SteppingUp

I would cringe when I heard her pour that third, fourth and fifth glass.

I cringe when I hear the ice in the glass.


When she drinks she becomes confrontational and argumentative. She'll accuse me of having an affair or that nobody cares how much she does for everyone... Maybe she does this because she knows at some level that I'm codependent and will always back down or let her turn the situation around on me so that it's my issue.


Same thing here.


I've kept my distance in the evenings when she drinks and don't take the bait when she seems to want to start an argument. It's hard for me because she can be so wonderful when she's sober and I can't stand her when she drinks. Maybe she's seeing glimpses of that or maybe she's feeling something because I'm trying hard not to be baited.


It is very difficult. I haven't figured it out either.



As soon as she said those words, I felt a tingling all down my body, my heart started pounding out of my chest, I found it difficult to move and my vision started to get contrasty like I was about to pass out. I really hated myself then. I felt like a weak wuss. I can see that because of this type of reaction, I'll always back down just to protect myself.

I really want to deal with this with her from a place of love but the physical sensations are so unpleasant that my instinct is to do whatever I must to make them go away.


Too much anxiety.


I really hate this and still think that I'm crazy at times.


I think I'm crazy too.


Thanks!