Live commented:
He will prove to you that you don't call the shots, he does.
I agree. And I agree with what
Live said about this being abuse.
When we are abused, we often do not recognize the behavior as abuse. We think abuse means getting punched so hard we get a black eye or being pushed down the stairs. And even then we do not recognize that the behavior is abuse, because we think it is our fault and that we DESERVED the black eye and being pushed down the stairs. We often believe it is our fault and we deserved it because the abuser often tells us so, either directly or indirectly, through the words "It's your fault I ..." or through manipulations and mindgames.
Which is what he is doing to you. Playing mindgames. They NEVER take responsibility for their own actions, they blame it on everybody and everything but themselves. One of my A&AXBF's blamed his father for everything that was wrong in his life, for DECADES. Or, they blame it on fate. Another A&AXBF of mine blamed everything in life that went wrong on "The Black Cloud that follows me around everywhere."
Yes, they even blame it on untreated alcoholism. But here's the thing,
lostfrmbetrayal, there is NO SUCH THING as blame. It is a human CONSTRUCT, something we convince ourselves in our minds, in order to remain in denial and continue doing the $hitty and ****** up things we do to others. But remember, they really BELIEVE the excuses they come up with for their bad behavior. That is what makes them "sick."
The person you have been involved with is sick. He has a sick way of thinking and a sick way of living and as long as you continue to be involved with him, in any way, shape or form, you will continue to feel like ****. The more time and distance you get from a sick person, the faster you will feel better. In my experience I have gotten well the fastest by throwing all his **** out on the front lawn, calling him on the phone and telling him to come get it, and washing my hands of it. If you personally can't do it that way for whatever reason, I would take ONE day and pack it all up and put it out at the curb and tell him to get it or the trashman will get it on the next trash day.
You still feel horrible because you have not gotten away from that sick man long enough. Think of it like the flu. When you get the flu, you go to the drugstore and buy all the best stuff for yourself so that you can feel the best fastest and get back up on your feet: You take GOOD CARE of yourself. You stay in bed and nurture yourself. You call a close friend or family member if you are really sick and need help. You might even go to the doctor or the hospital if it is really bad.
Remember this: Sick people will make you sick. Avoid them like the plague.