missphit, I completely understand your concern about seeming cold. I too am feeling bad for not feeling bad as I am planning to move out in 4 days. It's funny because I can look at your situation and see that clearly you are doing the right thing to save yourself and your own sanity and peace of mind. Your AH chose alcohol over your marriage, and now you are just choosing yourself over his addiction. It's harder to apply the same truths to your own situation.
The detachment is a coping mechanism because no one can sustain a daily alcohol fight. It's just too exhausting, and it doesn't get you anything besides self-doubt, or false hope, or frustration, or a host of other negatives that you just can't sustain on a daily basis. The great thing about being on my own that I am looking forward to is truly living , rather than just coping.
Good luck, I know you can do this!
Sasha