One of my fave Florida sayings is "shoot the gators closest to the boat first." There'll be time enough to deal with those that are farther away. Right now, I think you are doing what you need to do to survive another day and move onto solid ground.
It is impossible to actually love a person who will not reveal who they really are. I suspect that all along your love has been for that false self that us alcoholics are so very good at building and maintaining. Perhaps one day he'll stay sober long enough, and get honest enough to be who he really is....and it's only then that he can be loved or even accept love from another.
Until that time, I'd suggest that all you hear from him is blah blah blah...meaningless noises that have little or no bearing on reality. Alcoholics live in la la land...not in reality.
And if you need to feel cold and uncaring right now....go with it. You can make a 9th step amends later on if necessary. <G>
BTW....since I am empathically challenged, I think of detachment as solitude and I am most comfortable with it. <G> I refuse to make anyone else's problem my problem....anyone else's pain, my pain.
"No....I do NOT feel your pain....keep it to yourself ".... is my general attitude. Share love, not fear. Joy, not pain. I can detach from the pain and problems of others, while still sharing my own love, joy and happiness with them. IOW....I guess I'm saying that I won't put up with anyone else raining on my parade.....
blessings
zenbear