having a rough night
im scared and alone again. im so close to having our baby and he was being so good for a bit there. i thought he might actually be able to hold it together till after our son is born. but this is the 2nd time this week he's gone out. tonight he promised to be home after helping his friend at the tattoo convention but its now after one am and he's phone is off. i'm so terrified of going into labour and not being sure enough that its real labour to call anybody to come help in time.
so now im sitting here crying and making myself sick and really scared to alone (well our 3 yr old is contently sleeping but he's no help)
im so pissed at him right, i had been having some contractions (i think) all afternoon and he knows this and still he pulls this crap. i already told him he is not welcome at the birth if he's been drinking at all. but im still really scared to be alone so late in my pregnancy. the pains i was feeling did at least stop so im fairly sure i won't be going into labour tonight but i just don't know for sure.
he's actual follow through on my list of what i needed he to do to so he could stay... well that didn't work. right now i don't know whats worse, telling him he has to go and be alone every night or just keep going with his once to twice a week late nights.