Welcome to the SR family!
I too was not wanting to be a part of the A bashing after I made my choice to leave the marriage. (We also had children). I dreaded the divorce process and having to share all the ugliness with two attorneys as I was looking for legal support. I just wanted to stop rehashing the past.
I had forgiven my A. I forgave him for not being what I wanted him to be. I was ready to move forward.
The divorce process keeps it alive/current for a little while. It does get better.
SR, Alanon and self-improvement books have helped me.
I also had to fogive myself. I had to accept my short comings. I needed to love myself and let myself heal. I was doing the best I could at the time.
Now I am able to share my experience with others. I don't dwell on the past, but accept it as part of my story. I accept that history as part of making me who I am today.
There is an interesting link here about woundology. Let me find it......
Here it is. The article appears as the highlighted link.
Originally Posted by
Gabe 
Many times, it's our past wounds that keep us from forming healthy relationships in our present.
And we can unknowingly participate in this, by using our wounds as some sort of definition of who we are.
Carolyn Myss refers to this as Woundology.
Here is a link to an excellent article addressing the subject.
Why People Don't Heal and How They Can Let us know how we can help you.