Why would someone chose alcohol over me?
ala3037 - welcome!
Only an alcoholic chooses alcohol over a loved one. And they do so because they are addicted to alcohol.
Never ever underestimate the power of that addiction. And try as hard as you can not to get love all tangled up in there - or dissect their behavior as some kind of reflection on you! Ask any recovered alcoholic - before recovery, while actively drinking, they are incapable of love - they do not love themselves, they cannot love themselves, alcohol has their brain and heart in its grip.
It is not a measure of whether or not he loved you or you are loveable - it is a measure of the strength with which the addiction has control of his mind.
The book
Under The Influence by Milgram & Ketchum helped me understand that about my father. It is a serious and fatal disease alcoholism.
Glad you are here - we're here for you (((((hugs)))))
Peace,
B