Scared...
I’m going to talk with my husband tonight. I think. If I can work up the nerve. This is “the talk”. You quit drinking or I want a divorce. I’m scared. My stomach is upset and randomly throughout the day I’ve felt close to tears. I’m sure I’ll feel better when it’s over and wonder what I was so worried about but right now I don’t wanna do it.
He just got home last night from Vegas. Told me Sunday night, as I was going to bed, that he was leaving in the morning with his brother, sister in law and their friends. I don’t really care that he went. I don’t care that he didn’t ask me to go. I don’t even really care that he told me at the last minute. We haven’t really talked for 4 months now. I’m over it and ready to move on and feel pretty detached. My feelings still get hurt though. I tried so hard to make this work. I’ve read more books than I can fit on my kindle (lol), I’ve gone to countless counselors and classes and group things but I just couldn’t fix it. It’s not just his drinking but I thought if I learned to love him enough or could do everything right and not do things that made him mad… He told me Monday morning, as I was leaving for work, that he didn’t decide to go on this trip until Sunday night. He said he told himself a month ago that if we’re in the same situation (our relationship) he would go on the trip. So, our marriage is falling apart, we haven’t talked in months, he knows I have had a problem with his anger and drinking… does he attempt to stop drinking? Pretend to stop drinking? Cut down? Talk to me about it? Read a book for ideas on how to improve the relationship? Go to counseling???? Nope. Vegas baby!!! It makes me feel bad to realize that he doesn’t care. It hurts my feelings. But it helps me see that this is over.
Anyway, just here to ask for your thoughts and prayers this weekend. I could really use them.
And THANKS!! for posting everyone. I don’t post often ‘cause I feel like I ramble too much but I so appreciate reading everything everyone writes on here. It’s been super helpful.