Instead of requiring specific behavior from her, try requiring some specific behavior from yourself based on the type of environment you want in your house. Those are "PERSONAL BOUNDARIES". Then require specific behavior from yourself if those boundaries are violated. Those are called "CONSEQUENCES."
You can post your personal boundaries on the fridge along with the consequences so that everyone is on the same page.
My examples:
I do not allow drugs and alcohol in my home. If I find alcohol in my home, I will pour it out and ask the person that brought it into my home to leave. Immediately. If they do not leave, I will call the police.
I do not allow people under the influence of drugs or alcohol in my house. If I even SUSPECT drug or alcohol use, I will ask that person to leave. If they do not leave willingly, I will call the police.
I expect that every adult that lives in my house will contribute to the upkeep of the house. These are the chores that I recommend: xxxx. If an adult is not contributing to the upkeep, they will not be allowed to live here.
I expect adults to contribute financially to the household. The rent to stay here is xxxxx.
I am not a therapist or a counselor for recovering drug addicts or alcholics. I expect them to seek professional support and work their own recoveries through an approved program like AA. If they are not working recovery, i cannot be a part of their life.
I do not allow adults to watch MTV in my house, in front of my children. It is a violation of my personal values. If I see it on, I will turn it off immediately. If it comes on again, I will ask them to leave my house.
I do not run a flop house for recovering addicts or alcoholics. I do not allow adults to lay around on my couch all day. I expect them to clean and contribute to the household.
I expect people to use clean language in my house and around my children. People who swear around my children are not allowed in my house.
I value treating others with respect. And I expect to be treated with respect in my home. If someone is disrespectful to me, they will be expected to leave my house.
If these boundaries are violated, I reserve the right to ask the violater to leave. Immediately. Without question.
I expect people to follow through on their commitments to me. If they do not, I will not be a part of their lives.
I reserve the right to change my boundaries at any time.