SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - I'm Sayng Goodbye until he can Clean up (LETTER TO BOYFRIEND)

07-16-2004, 10:17 AM

# 1 (permalink)

giz

Member

Join Date: Jul 2004

Location: Minneapolis MN

Posts: 96

I'm Sayng Goodbye until he can Clean up (LETTER TO BOYFRIEND)

Here is my letter to him. This is the last one. I cannot say anything else as I have thought long and hard. All your stories have helped me so much!

I have the choice to stay or go. To wait or move on. I see some here do not have that choice.

By the way, I got the job offer today! I'm so very excited and see this as a sign I should only be accepting of good things in my life, things that take positive effort.

mmm, I will miss him so much.

*******************************************
LETTER TO BOYFRIEND
*******************************************
(Insert Name),

This may not come out right but I want to try and say right.

I love you. period.
I have missed you very much. I have weighed many things, thinking
what would I be willing to accept and what would be a dealbreaker. I
cannot be with a man who has a problem with some sort of addiction
that is endangers his life and which he is unwilling to work on. I
cannot wholly give myself and attempt to improve myself while my
counterpart has destructive habits. I am nowhere near perfect. I
accept that about myself. I mess up on a lot of things. I know that.
I also know I have worked too hard in my life to get where I'm at to
not seek the same in a long-term partner. If I were to do that, I
would resent the person, I don't want that. I do not want to remain
friends and see you slowly destroying yourself. I would NEVER want
to hang out with you and see you get very, very, very drunk. I want
you to be my boyfriend, my lover, my confidant, my friend, my
intelligent, sensual and comforting man who can cook his butt off! I
have been reading about alcoholism, everyday we've been apart, trying
to understand better. I've read information and stories on people who
just relapsed, people who have been sober a couple days to 20 years,
men and women who love alcoholics, mothers and fathers anguished over
their children's choices and guys mad at their dad's for drinking.
It's been really helpful. This has helped me to see that tripping out
on you for telling me about Friday lunch was wrong. I'm sorry. You
were sharing and telling me the truth. I was very sick and in
withdrawal so I let my emotions take hold. I know you may get
defensive about this but have you heard of the alternatives to aa? I
read this week about one called smartrecovery
(http://www.smartrecovery.org/) that focuses on empowering the person
to investigate their feelings about a situation and consuming alcohol
rather than how aa seems to focus on god and powerlessness (that is
just my opinion of aa).

If you work on being sober, I want to be with you.
If you will continue drinking, we won't be hanging out.

Lastly, I'm sure you feel bad, I know I have. I think about you all
the time. I look forward to getting home every night to read more
about this disease. Maybe I'm hoping I will find the magic phrase to
snap you out of it. I wish we could be together but I love myself too
much to be with someone who is unwilling to working on a problem that
is affecting their life and health.

Take care,
me
XOXOXO

*******************************************

thanks all,
giz