With your help, I now have a heightened awareness of the things I find odd and/or distasteful in this otherwise-happy friendship. Regardless of what happens, I plan to attend an Al-Anon meeting nearby next week. I am posting to a recovery forum, I have already been affected by his aloholism. I'll take the time to learn a bit more, hoping I can spot such trouble sooner in the future.
Of course, I can't answer the many questions raised by what he said. Two educated guesses:
** I think he told me about the booze in the house, and the Listerine, in order to imply that he has excellent control of his alcoholism. OTOH, what if he was warning me? No, no roommates to explain the booze, but he has had previous dates over.
** It's possible that he hasn't done a 2-3 day sleep, or at least not very often, during his long years with this employer. But he's planning to retire soon and is apprehensive about it. Apparently he's planning to do a big sleep-in soon, I agree.
More red flags: he's been working for this employer for more than the 25 years he's been sober, and he's qualified to retire any time he wants. A couple weeks ago, he said he was "concerned" about retiring. I thought he meant, because he'll suddenly have lots of unstructured time -- which can lead to anxiety/depression in mentally healthy people. I've had a lot of unstructured time due to working for myself and then being a caregiver for my gravely ill husband. So I offered my standard suggestions.
Later, he asked me what time I get up in the morning; when I said I think HE should be sure to get up at a set hour (because of the retirement phenomenon), he asked why not sleep till he wants to get up. I said, "I think it might be too big a change."
I especially want to thank the recovering alcoholics who replied to me. That takes a certain brand of humility. Every single comment has been helpful. How lucky can I be?