Oh Acdirito,
Wow, this is a tough one. I guess at this point in life, I would be looking for peace more than anything. you cant change anyone there at your house but you, and i know you know that.
is there anyway you could get your own little place, so you could focus on your recovery? There is a lot of toxic stuff here, and it seems tangled up, but it is not your job to untangle it- you gotta worry about you.
do you think if you asked your husband to leave that he might wake up? If he is not helping, and endangering your life, not to mention adding depression to it?
I am sorry that you are going thru this-I pray for some clarity for you, and peace today. you gotta take care of you. with your situation, perhaps you qualify for some help from outside?
I just re-read the last part of your post- that ou are plannig to move. if you can hold out. any reason that you have to wait? you have a life that is precious, and if you are planning to go, why not soon? why does your grandson have access to this money as a minor? isnt there someone who must be responsible for his care right now?
you know, you cant force much. why do you need your husband to get a physical? if he does not want to take care of his health, why should you have to worry so much about it? i know you care, but he is not worrying about the fact that he is really worrying and hurting you.
hugs,
chicory