JenT1968

I'm sorry this has happened, I'm not surprised your daughter is angry and resentful AND conflicted. I remember when my mum would tell me about things my dad had done and how angry she was with my dad, it didn't matter what he had done, or whether I was also angry with him for the same things, I felt it was between them, I felt I was being burdened and forced to "side", I also felt backed into a corner and started to defend him. In reality the things going on in their marriage were nothing to do with me and I was being burdened, there is a line between explaining our feelings and actions to our children (even grown ones) and using them as a support system/burdening them with things that are none of their business, it's a hard one to balance. As a young adult, I had no real understanding of a full adult relationship and where responsibility for feelings and actions lay, but I remember feeling my mum was being a matyr and if she hated it that much she should grow a backbone and get out rather than carry on moaning about it, especially to me. I have more compassion now that I am decades away from 18, and have lived with the effects of alcoholism in a partner but there is a core of truth there I think.

I know you don't need picky, pedantic comments right now, but me being me, I'm going to throw one in to chew over when you have some time and space:

Now the whole family gets to suffer the consequences of continuing to live with her alcoholism.

subtle difference, but I have found it an important distinction.

good luck and hugs ((TeM))