Still Waters, I think you're right. It was a delusional hope on our part, I'm sure.
AW doesn't seem to blame herself in any way for the situation she finds herself in. If anything, I think she may be enjoying the added attention she's getting from me. It's kind of sickening when I stop and think about it. She does thank me when I get things for her, but she has yet to say anything indicating that she wants to get help.
Now, I'll admit that I have not been a perfect husband, and AW has complained frequently to our daughter about my lack of affection. But then, AW is not mentally or emotionally healthy; her OCD long ago exhausted my reservoirs of compassion and empathy; we've been living more or less like roommates for several years now. I'm willing to take my share of the blame for that.
Daughter, however, is under the impression that AW will get better if I'm willing to help by giving her more attention. So, I think daughter believes that I helped bring this on by not meeting AW's needs emotionally. I feel pretty sure that all of this is just AW's way of spreading the blame, but it does have an impact, and I'm sometimes plagued by guilt over this.
I'm sure these feelings are nothing new, and not uncommon in the alcoholic household.