(((Chicory))) I sense that you're feeling a little beat up here and I apologize for that. We are just feeling a little frustrated because we care so much about you and feel your pain. We want you to feel better and have a happy life that you so deserve.
I know you understand all the myriad of reasons why he should leave and you probably don't need to hear them any longer. So I'm going to take a different tack and, if you are more comfortable knowing that he has a roof over his head and a belly full of food, then what can you do to make your co-existence more tolerable if that is the only solution left?
These are also the things you will learn in Al-anon. There are many people who decide to stay with their alcoholic/addicted spouses because of finances, marriage vows, dedication, etc. You are not "crazy" and you are not alone in that regard either. Keep reading here, get books, and by all means get counseling if you can, with the goal of getting stronger boundaries.
Boundaries serve two very important purposes:
1) You will feel SO much better when you respect yourSELF enough to stand up and say, "I will not tolerate this treatment."
2) You will teach your son how to respect others.
When he doesn't have you to trample on and push around any longer, he will be forced to look at himself. He may even become SO uncomfortable that he wants to leave or GET BETTER.
Does that make sense?
Anyone out there have some good reading for Chicory about BOUNDARIES?