"one thing that appears to be common is the ex begging to come back etc. Is mine in so much denial and blaming me that he is happier without me??"
IMO the best thing you can do is take the best care of yourself as you can. I have experienced both situations, where sometimes they just want to come back, and sometimes they do not care to and can be quite mean. Please know that it is NOTHING to do with you and is not a reflection of your worth. I have found it is best for me to look within for fulfillment of these needs and to look to my higher power.
You're doing great! Keep up the good work!! (((hugs)))