HURTING: every one of your posts pulls at my heart.
I'm a little over 2 months out from my break up so the pain is still very much there as well.
When my ex cheated, I left with a heavy heart because I very much loved/love him. The love you have for the person just doesn't go away. But, like you and your H, we had to separate in order to both take a hard look at who we were and who we became.
I think addiction is to blame for many of the destructive actions, but don't be fooled, cheating is about having no morals. Losing your moral ground though, does come hand in hand with addiction.
I also mourn the dreams I had with my ex, I mourn the man I thought he was and I mourn who I thought him and I could be.
But I do not mourn the death of the unhealthy relationship we had. I rejoice with the knowledge that we were both given a chance to get healthier from the pain the old relationship caused us.
Personally, for me, I am working my steps and am dedicated to al anon and healing. For my ex, he tells me he's working on things and is joining a step group, but I'm leery that he's welcoming true recovery. I need to keep my nose out of his healing and just pray he finds his way.
This may not be your H's bottom, but if it's yours, take advantage of this pain and work on getting stronger.
As painful as this is right now, try to find the blessings as well. Because of this "shake -up", you now have a chance to be healthy alone or maybe even have a healthy relationship with him once he faces his addiction.
Or just maybe in time, you will see this is not the life you want/wanted and just maybe you will find yourself a healthier relationship
It's the unknown that's tough.
Letting go and shedding the old life is hard.
I have some contact with my ex here and there and he seems very despondent, but I know the love he has for me is ever present. His love for me didn't decide his actions, his self hatred and pain did. Your H's actions about his self hatred. His pain, not about you.
I know how hard this is right now, but keep all the focus on you and your healing.
You can love him, pray for him and allow him his time to get well.
Do you have much contact with him? How is he feeling about the separation?