Originally Posted by
Still Waters 
I maintain that a healthy marriage/relationship cannot be had with a "drunken jerk" period.
Many of our commenter's here didn't marry drunken jerks, their spouses became that years into the marriage.
I suppose we all need to become mind readers, to know instantly when what is said is a lie, to know when "this is the last one, I promise" is the truth. We all need to be born with the knowledge we've all slowly learned here in the "codependency" room - that you cannot reason with a drunken jerk, you cannot have a normal conversation with a drunken jerk, and you cannot ever trust a drunken jerk to do what they said they would do. That "until death do us part" is a load of dookey and we shouldn't take it seriously ever, since it just makes us look like pathetic codies.
I wish I had been a mind reader.
To be honest, I think that EVERY one puts too much want, need and expectation into marriage (and "romantic" relationships) to begin with, whether they are with an alcoholic or not. I certainly did. I'm different now though, because I see things differently now.
IMO, I came into this world alone and I'm going out alone. And I have never in all my years, in any of the relationships I have ever been in, experienced what I wanted with or from the other person. It's taken me a long time to learn to just LET people BE who they are, without any idea of gain, or expectation of feeling from them. I've learned to meet my OWN needs. I am grateful for every experience with every person I have ever had, including the horrible, life-threatening experiences I have had with serious alcoholics and addicts. It is much more peaceful and I am much more stable and serene this way.