Ahh, the recovering alcoholic, such an enigma.
Oh, wait a minute Dallas, you're a recovering alcoholic, let's not get carried away. Oops, sorry, I'll restrain myself abit. You're the source of all our destruction, all our ailments, hell, you're omnipotent. Oh really?
So the question becomes, why are we here on a website that discusses codependency, if all the problems lie with the drunken jerk we married? Oh, sorry, it's all him/her and we've done nothing wrong. I love that line, but then again, I am one of those drunken jerks that no one wants to hear from. I'm only here tonight by request.
Nobody wants to hear that love, that elusive desire we all have, to be loved to our core, is fleeting at best in the most wonderful of relationships. Nobody wants to hear that maybe, just maybe, I had something to do with the demise of our absolute, never ending love and it was all him, or her. Oh sure, that's so much easier to swallow, but is it true?
As we progress thorough life, we learn and one of the greatest things I've learned is that by being a down and out drunk, is that I can truly love one that has been there as well. It's a sick thing, maybe in some eyes, but the truth is I Know what that down and out drunk is thinking. I don't pretend to be a great guy, never been that down and out, and yet I can connect with that fellow much more so than most members of society. What does all this matter? It's hard to explain because we're still debating whether or not it's a disease or a matter of willpower. In my mind, it's not a debate, it is what it is, but maybe you still wonder?
I am a recovering alcoholic and today through the grace of God, and my program, I don't care what others think of my problem. It's OK. I know I have a problem and must do what helps me overcome my problem, be it meetings, howling at the moon, or asking for government assistance, which hasn't happened thus far.
I'm not out to break women's hearts, although I've broken a few over the years. Do I feel bad about it? Of course, I am still human and never engage in hurting others willingly. I have hurt countless others, but I am still human, as they are. What the hell does that mean? It means that many of them expected what I was unable to deliver and they nonetheless pursued that which they wanted of which I was unable to deliver.
Here's the real question, was it wrong for them to expect that I deliver that which I was unable to deliver? No. This happens everyday, whether booze is involved or not. The real problem comes from laying all our hopes, dreams, insecurities, inadequacies, and lack of direction in life in one individual, for no one man or woman can fill the void we have inside, whether he/she is a drunk or not. It's just easier to blame it all on the drunk than to face our role in all the dysfunction and accept responsibility for our part.
To me, a recovering drunk, the greatest thing I feel today is an absolute appreciation of your differing outlook on life. I used to be so intimidated by women that I would never express my truth, but today feel, as a man, that women are just as human and insecure as we men, that today I have nothing but empathy for women, for they travel the same paths of life as men, just with a different slant of how it is. It's all good. I have seen adversity, through booze and other means bring people closer together, and hopefully it will happen with you.