You wrote ".....just back from dropping her off at a clinic once more...
Earlier in the day i met with the doc myself privately. He told me that she is an unusual case due the high degree of anxiety that she suffers from all the time and that once we are past this crisis, if she has the motivation, we probably should look at a program that tries to address both the anxiety and alcohol at the same time."
"So, thoughts on how to how to get through the crisis and help her feel calm..."
I can empathize with your situation. I am a codependent, being married to an alcoholic who is now a dry drunk. I suffered a massive stroke in DEC 2009. From DEC 23rd until JAN 8th I was comatose. When I came back into reality I was transferred to a rehab hospital for another two weeks before my discharge to my house. This was one of my worst decisions of my life. I should have been discharged to a skilled nursing facility. I have suffered immobility problems and can not move around very easy without my power chair. When I came home the only member of my family I could rely upon was my 35 year old son. I received more care and compassion from my three border collies than I did from my DDH. So take what you want from my recoomendations and freely leave the rest.
You have your wife out of the house and away from your middle school aged children. That is a good starting point! Don't be in a hurry to have your alcoholic wife come back home. Your primary attention needs to be focused on your children. "It's better to build your children than to repair your wife!" You might even want to think about her going to a halfway house for alcoholics while she is working on overcoming her alcoholism and OCD. It's HER problem not yours! She needs to accept this fact; you can not give her the motivation to want to overcome her problems! I've had to start therapy to help me break my addiction to my dry drunk husband. It sounds like you might also have some codependent traits.This is NOT going to be easy; your problems didn't start in one day and neither will it be one day for you to get through your crisis! Remember ONE DAY AT A TIME!
I would recommend you read the book entitled "Tough Love" written by Bill Milliken in 1968.
If I had my child to raise over again
I'd build self-esteem first and the house later
I'd finger paint more and point the finger less
I would do less correcting and more connecting
I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes
I would care to know less and know to care more
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites
I'd stop playing serious and seriously play
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars
I'd do more hugging and less tugging
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often
I would be firm less often and affirm much more
I'd model less about the love of power
And more about the power of love.
Diane Loomans