Old 10-08-2010, 03:03 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Learn2Live
To thine own self be true.
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Hi TroubledSister. Here are my opinions about your situation:

he is so upset
Your Dad CHOOSES to be upset and wants YOU to change a course you decided to take for your life in order to calm HIS upset. You may want to have a calm, polite conversation with your Dad and put responsibility for his own feelings BACK on him. When someone else decides that YOU are the reason they feel badly, that is called Blame.

My dad said he needs to know that I'll be able to talk civilly/amicably with my brother about the estate at that time.
Again, your Dad is putting responsibility for HIS business on YOU. You can refuse responsibility for someone else's business. He is trying to CONTROL the situation that is going to occur after his death so that HE feels better now. That is not living in the Present Moment, and he is dragging YOU out of your Present Moment.

All met with the silent treatment.
I have learned that wanting, needing, or expecting ANYTHING remotely resembling normal human feeling, communication or behavior from a practicing, non-Recovering alcoholic or addict is FUTILE. Do what you need to do for your SELF, without any expectation that you will be acknowledged. I have given entire HOUSES to people and never been acknowledged.

Remember Al-Anon's "Just for Today"? Part of what it teaches is to practice doing for others without expectations:

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count ... I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt: they may be hurt but today I will not show it.

so I'm at a loss.. wanting to make my dad happy, feel at ease
You cannot control your father's feelings. Those are HIS responsibility. Life does not always go the way we would like it to. And his plans for his Estate have not taken into consideration the fact that you do not wish to deal with the sickness any longer.

and have some semblace of a relationship w my brother, and for the cousins (my 2 kids and AB's son), and also obvious resentment that my brother's actions/kid's actions get forgotten.
I'm not sure what you are saying here. Are you saying you do want a relationship with your brother and that your children have a relationship too?
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