FreeingMyself

I posted last night about my realization that he wasn't really changed at all. We have been seperated for about 4 months. In that time, my conversations with AH have become less and less, mostly about the kids. We don't have any real communication about anything else. So here is what I have learned.
*The longer I am away, the more STRANGE, and SCARY his behavior seems, like I posted last night. Him being gone doesn't allow me to see all the time what he does, and so I believed he was changing, however, it took about 2 seconds for me to see his true colors, and again with the denial about what happened, the mean words and put downs. WOW....I realized that I don't MISS that, and that it isn't going to change.
*I realized it is his crazy world and doesn't have to be mine. For 4 months my life has become and feels normal again. I don't have anyone making stuff up and calling me names - acting like I'm crazy. And guess what I like it....I feel happy. Proved again last night...his world is still and always will be crazy and off balance. I don't want to live like that.
*He still denies he is alcoholic, and can drink only a little if he wants. A sure sign that that part isn't over either.
WHAT I REALIZED is that when we were living together I couldn't SEE all of this, becuase it had become so NORMAL - how scary it that. And now, when he does these things, I find them to be completely nuts and horrible (as they always were) - and it makes me realize I can't go back to that!
So...to all of you who said that seperating would allow me to see the truth and give me peace - thank you - you were SO right. ANd to all of you still stuck in the crazy lives of an abusive A.....consider taking a step - a big step back - and it is much much easier to see the truth!