My RABF has been forced to attend AA in the past while in rehab programs, and the best sober time he managed was 2 years. He is petrified of speaking in groups, and reckons that a few times he only managed by having a load of vodka before it was his turn, which seems to negate the whole purpose to my mind.
He sees a counselor from D & A, every so often, reads a bit, talks with me more than ever before, and is busy coping with newly diagnosed Ulcerative Colitis. He tried the trick of once turning up at my door, drunk and with 2 AA chaps in tow, to get me on side and shift my anger at him.....had no intention of going to a meeting of course.
He only pulled that stunt ONCE. His BIL is an AA addict, as sober 27 years and admits he gets to 5 meetings a week because he gets agitated without one. He also bends the ear of any person with a drink in hand, and p*ssed me off by having a go at me for having a drink.
He believed I should have ceased drinking myself in support of RABF being sober, an idea that I found infuriating and said so. As RABF said after that episode, "he's not on his own, and it just is not for me".
Frankly I don't care what works or what he does to stay sober, as long as he is happy and living a better way than he was, and that is his choice, as is choice of method.
I used to resent that the drunks got the attention, and help flooded in for them, but the family were left out of the situation. Often the sober recovering A, went home to a bitter, angry and resentful wife and kids, and it wasn't long before he was back to drinking and family felt justified.
I am close enough to the Autumn of my life, not to want to waste a minute in a Winter of Discontent.