Boskerbear,
You deserve to be cherished, loved and made to feel secure. I was raised in a house ruled by alcohol, and I didn't really realize that I deserved to be cherished, loved and made to feel secure until I was 52 years old. Unfortunately, I'm married to a man who doesn't have the ability to put me first. I'm learning to focus on me, though, and will chart my own course, perhaps without him.
Please don't wait that long to understand what you deserve.
As for Al Anon, I'm not a joiner either. Part of it is my past, never feeling like I was good enough. However, when I went to Al Anon I found very accepting, understanding people. It was good.
There's every possibility that you have many, many years of happiness ahead of you. You will need to claim that happiness by doing what is best for you. It is ok to put yourself first. If you don't, no one else will.
Good luck.