I wish i had better self esteem, it might make things easier, but thats something i need to work on. I'm the type who stayed with this man because i really didnt think i could do any better.
Well, you CAN do better,
BoskerBear, there is no doubt in my mind.
If you really do want to work on your self-esteem, here is my way of starting that. I have had to do this so many times, getting myself out of a relationship and trying to emotionally detach from some psycho guy or another. What you do is, get some BIG paper, doesn't matter what kind. And on this piece of paper, start making a list of all the things that are good and right about YOU. Boast about yourself. Be proud of yourself. Think back to the times in your life when you were happiest and remember who you were, what your accomplishments were, what your friends were saying about you, what your strengths were. And write those words down. In BIG letters, big enough to see from across the room. Then, tape those papers up in a prominent place where you can see those words every day. Read them out loud. And add to the list as often as you can. Also, dig through your old pictures and pull out those pics of yourself that you love. And look at them every day and remember who you were during those times. Soon, your self-esteem will start to grow. As long as you don't allow someone else to knock you back down. Stay away from people who erode your self-esteem. Be good to yourself.
I'm pretty anxious to start alanon, im not really good in large groups or with meeting new people.
Me neither. I have never been good in large groups. I feel much more at ease one on one. But I tell ya', when I was going through something similar to what you are going through, when I found Al-Anon, I could not believe the feeling I got in those rooms, the feeling of power that comes from being surrounded by such strong men and women who truly care. People need eachother. In person. Give it a try.
I have a feeling i'm gonna cry and babble on. I dont even have my thoughts all in order right now, my mind is just racing a mile a minute.
When I first went to Al-Anon, I believe I must have done nothing BUT cry for at least the first week. And those people? They just let me cry. You do not have to know what your thoughts are, what you want to say, anything. You do not have to say anything or do anything other than what you want. No one will make you and no one will judge you. You just go and be yourself and listen. Just listen and when you are ready to talk, they will listen to you. It is an amazing experience when you find the right Al-Anon meeting for you. I truly hope you go. And I truly hope you stay away from that alcoholic person you have involved yourself with.