Welcome to Sober Recovery. As you can see, there is a great deal of wisdom, support and experience on this pages.
You are obviously, a very smart woman. Postponing the wedding was definitely the right thing to do.
Keep reading and posting, and please remember that there is absolutely nothing you can do to control or cure this disease. My ex-alcoholic boyfriend lied, and sneaked the drinking and pretended he cared about being sober and healthy. He ultimately said he drank because I did not trust him. He said he drank because he was afraid he would lose me. I did not trust him by then, but he drank because he is an alcoholic. And he did lose me because I did not trust him, and I thought I'd lose my mind trying to reason with him and reconcile what he said with what I knew he was doing which were completely at odds. Crazy making for sure!
Al anon has been very helpful to me as well since we separated. I have learned so much and mostly I've learned to listen to my instincts and take care of myself above all else.
Seems to me you have very good instincts already.
Again,
Welcome to SR. Sorry you are going through this difficult time.