To your recollection of your conversation with your wife, I'll respond:
Read this sticky and then tell me if you see any similarities.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lics-make.html
It may be time for you to ask yourself what your boundaries are (i.e. what you're ok with in your marriage and what you simply won't accept). Then you can go about enforcing them.
For example, my first boundary was "I will no longer give you money for booze or go buy booze for you". It was huge for me. It was very hard to enforce at first. I did it half-assed, but my XAH got the message right away: I would no longer be "helping" him get booze. No worries though, he found other ways to get what he wanted.