I'm sorry you are hurting. It is tough to be seperated, angered, lonely, sad and scared. (((hugs)))
I think you are doing all you can right now. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. You will get through this, one day at a time and sometimes 5 minutes at a time, or even one minute at a time. We are here to support you. You are not alone.
I hope you do follow through with a local Alanon meeting. This is something that helped me. I felt less afraid, I felt less confused, I felt less insecure after attending a few meetings.
Are you familiar with the serenity prayer?
Every meeting I have been to includes the serenity prayer, and it is usually recited while standing and holding hands with other members. It is a powerful experience to be in the room with others who have been hurt by addiction, others who have tried everything they could imagine to help their loved one, others who have accepted their limits and say these words together:
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom to know the difference.