emotional Mt. Vesuvius 
that is a great way to describe me!! lol...
To me its the acknowledgment (well, lack of) that hurts most. People acknowledging I have had a bad time-and the dimension of it?
Nope.
No one in my real life. Maybe that is why SR is so healing, here we all get it, there is no minimizing.
But as you mention, normal functioning people like us have to go to the groceries and work and there is no pat on the back or nowhere one can go for A COUPLE OF HOURS to get some rest and real help.
Anyway
The Payoff for me has been:
Distraction from My Issues, Knowing Myself and Exercising My Right to Joy in this World
If the alkie goes to rehab
I would feel bad
If the alkie is still drinking
I feel bad
If the alkie is drinking more
I feel bad
If I don't know about the alkie
I obsess. And I feel bad
If the alkie smiled at some point during the day
F*** a******, HOW COULD HE. I am enraged. And I feel bad
I never win. NEVER. That is My Payoff. The distraction and the depression, something I know and feel comfortable with.
Letting go for real I could feel much better. I can already feel, when i finally let go, it no longer hurts. But doing it, I also have to see how I abandoned myself all this time and its so painful I don't want to see it. How I disrespected myself- damn- I don't want to see it. Etc. etc...
Have you tried putting a chair infront of you and imagining he is there, and "telling him" how you feel? writing to him a letter, with EVERYTHING, then burning it or trashing it, helps a great deal. The mind doesn't make a difference between that and saying it to the real person. So the next day its as if you already did it and that business is done and a weight lifts. Those can be repeated as long as you got something to say.
When I fight or deny my feelings they get stuck. Its been hard, for me, to no longer judge if a feeling is right or wrong.
When I am able to say "YES WORLD, I'M STILL ANGRY, RESENTFUL AND HOPE ALL THE WORSTEST FOR Y" its like something lifts and I am able to work it somehow.
With exercise.
With an "unsent letter".
And/or I can hand it to HP say "
HP, you know I don't REALLY hope for the worst-its just how I feel. Here it is, this Resentment, please help me trascend it"
After that I find acceptance. Of me, of the other, of the past, of the present, and suddenly none matter as much but NOW, TODAY... a now, and a today for ME... and even TOMORROW... whew!! so freeing.
BTW A therapist is very useful for such "letting go" exercises. Whatever we resist, persists. I have so many exercises scheduled like that, I think they are over 40 under her program - so better get started ! that's the good stuff about feelings, they are material one can work on, and trade them for something better.... and there's help along their way, your own entourage cheering you up, seeing for you to finally become free and allow Life to send you all the Great Stuff you are so reluctant to receive.