update
I have been lurking all week waiting to see what the weekend would be bring. friday night we had a nice movie night - and dh wasn't pulling any crap - sat night we went to a friends, he lapsed but it wasn't bad - didn't over do it or make an ass of himself and came home with me. not perfect but much improved. now just waiting to see if he can continue this.
Yesterday an old friend of his stopped by. he has moved back to our city and is a recovering drug addict. i hope they can be good support for each other.
Also i think it was good for ah to see how bad things can get.
AH friend - G and his wife M are both drug addicts who have spent years in recovery. this year they had a baby girl (she already has 3 or 4 kids) so to support them - he had to be away working alot. she relapsed and then so did he. Their baby girl was removed from them. G has moved back home to try to stay sober so he can get his baby girl back and i'm strongly encouraging him to go n/c with his wife who is not trying to get clean but doing all she can to make sure G's parents can't get custody of baby. what a mess!
but it seemed to make my AH more determined to keep trying because he is desparate not to lose his kids. AH didn't try to pull any of his manipulative tricks of trying to **** me off so he could go drink. this was the first good family weekend we've had in a long time!