Learn2Live

Any time I interact with someone else, and that interaction leaves me feeling sick to my stomach, questioning my own abilities, and feeling guilty (or otherwise feeling badly), that is a warning signal to me that this person is not good for me. If it happens often enough, or each time I interact with that person, I KNOW that this person is toxic for me. I have learned to practice Accepting that sometimes two people simply do not work together. It does not mean I have to judge that person, or judge myself, or question my own wellness or his. It means simply that I need to choose whether or not I want to continue feeling that way. Then, I Accept responsibility for what is within my control (because NO ONE is going to do that for me), and I make the healthiest choice FOR ME. It also means that I have to Let Go of any need I think I have of that person, and any wants and expectations I have of that person.

It has taken me so long to start ACTING on what my body and my soul tell me about other people. I have learned that certain types of people are simply bad for me, my mental health, and my life. I have to continually practice (every day) avoiding those kinds of people, and keeping them out of my life. Some people will be very persistent and call me and email, try to talk to me, etc. I go AROUND them now, avoid them, and refuse to have them in my space. Sometimes I do slip and allow someone who is toxic but seems to not be so on purpose (in other words, they seem innocent), and then several days later, after I have been sick in my head, worried, anxious, negative, and doing nothing with my life I realize why it was I decided to avoid that person in the first place. It's really hard. Other people really affect me.

As for the details about all the things this guy said to you, it sounds to me like he is dumping on you things that he needs to work out with a professional such as a counselor. These things are NOT your problem and you can refuse to feel the guilt about it. You did NOT cause his problems and you cannot control or eliminate his problems. Refuse to accept responsibility for this persons problems. You have enough on your plate, don't you? We ALL have enough of our own issues and problems that we are trying to take care of. Let him take care of his. When I get guilt like you have gotten I say to myself, "Mind your own business." Yes, it sounds harsh but it makes my guilt go away. If you still want to be friends with him and spend time with him, you might try reading up on how to set and communicate Boundaries.

Take good care of yourself missb89. You're doing great.