Originally Posted by
Jaguar55 
Surprising how fast I start to feel like "me" again when I'm not around him. In just a few days I begin to perk up, more energy, my head clears.
I'm tired of crying and feeling desperate. I don't want to "live" my life wishing I were dead.
I wasn't a fan of the detachment concept. But even a small amount of distance is helping me and if nothing else changes then things are going to continue in this direction.
Each conversation with an active alcoholic is exhausting. The conversation goes in circles, problems are never resolved, responsibility is never taken and the cycle continues with each conversation.
This type of personality is like an energy stealer to me. I can't give enough of myself, time or energy to someone that is constantly taking, taking, taking away from me - and not offering any positive energy in return. Energy stealer is what I call them.
In my healthier relationships, there is a sharing of energy, respect and cooperation. Those are the relationships that I am seeking to participate in as I grow in recovery.
I recommend boundaries or no contact with the alcoholic. A healthy boundary would be stating that you refuse to engage in this type of conversation (accusations) and will be hanging up if any more is said. The follow through is to say: Goodbye and hang up if more accusations are thrown your way. Repeat as needed.
Going no contact would prevent any opportunity to steal your energy or suck you into drama. Establish no contact for as long as needed to restore your energy, self-love and serenity.
(((Jag))) you are not alone. You are important. Your life matters!