theuncertainty

Hugs, BklynGrl, I remember having the same doubts and feelings about dealing with STBXAH. My family lost 3 dear aunts (my mom's best friends) to cancer, so when I told her that STBXAH said he had cancer (which turned out to be a lie) she was very vocal that I should be helping him out, should get a new apartment and take him back to care for him. (In her defense, I had not told her about the domestic violence - well, at the time I still hadn't acknowledged that what he did was abuse.)

It was so, so hard. I beat myself up for not taking him back, for not agreeing to take care of him. I would berate myself often thinking "What kind of woman doen't take her H, even an AH, back when he has cancer?" I had to remind myself just as often: there are reasons why I left and he has done nothing - not one blasted thing - to either admit that those reasons were valid or take steps to work on correcting his part in those reasons. Going back to help him through cancer and treatment would still have been going back to actively living with those unresolved problems. Most likely those problems would have been made worse by him continuing to drink while sick.

I was also very hard on myself up when I wasn’t ready to file for divorce yet. A lot of kind and wise people here told me I’d take that step when I was ready. And so will you. Take the time you need to sort out your emotions. You’ll be ready when you’re ready.

I’m becoming quite fond of CatsPajamas signature: "What other people think of me is really none of my business!" I didn't get it when I first read it – wasn’t ready to let go of that crutch yet, I guess, but now it’s starting to make sense.

Take care of yourself and hang in there.