Yep. I have to take the adoption off the table as a possibility right now. She's going to hate it, but there's a LOT of things she does that I hate and vice versa. That's sort of how life works. I really can't win in this situation. If I tell her she has to straighten out before I'll consider it, I'm being manipulative. If I tell her she can't have it because she is the way she is, I could also be seen as manipulative but in an entirely different way. So be it.
I'm going to sit down and figure out what things she does that I will not tolerate any more and find my "bottom". I know I'm close to it right now. She can choose to care or not, but if she chooses not to care I will choose to leave. I don't see it as a possibility of her stopping drinking altogether, but if she knows the consequences of her actions and chooses to do it anyway then it's clear to me that she won't change and I should get out. I hate ultimatums but I think I need one for my own peace of mind. I all ready gave her one-now it's time to clarify what I meant by "show me you can be an equal partner in our relationship".