Okay. I understand now. It doesn't matter so much if alcohol is causing any other problems in our relationship, it's that the alcohol itself is a problem and causes issues all its own in some ways. I did remark to someone that it wouldn't really matter if she was simply going out and doing other stuff with other people without drinking, but I then realized that it WOULD matter. If she wasn't drinking I'd be far more inclined to go with her wherever she went and enjoy myself, at least for a time. I also wouldn't have to deal with the hangovers, concerns about her cheating, pressure to drink etc.
So...what do I want? I want a wife that will make an effort to spend a few hours a month just with me when the opportunity is available. I don't think I'm asking too much, and others have told me I'm not asking enough. Where do I see myself in 5 years? Honestly, the best picture I can come up with is still married to her and still putting up with everything I've all ready been putting up with. I just can't imagine leaving her because things are the way they are. I would have no problem leaving her if it got worse-she started drinking at home, missing work because of drinking, became abusive- because that impacts me AND the children. But right now? Probably not. I've also realized that even if I found out she cheated on me I still couldn't leave. Yes, things would change in regards to intimacy and such. But. If that's truly the way she wanted it (to be with other people also) I would accommodate it just because, to me, the intimacy with someone else isn't the issue-it's the lying. If it's out in the open I can deal with it. Call me weird but it's just how I've always felt.
So the question is, where do I go from here? I can't figure that one out. I don't know if I should talk to her, let it go and stand by my ultimatum even if I really don't want to, what?